Etc Guy with His New Weed-eater
The human brain starts working the moment one’s born. For guys, it stops the moment they speak to their mate.
Guys process information in the left hemisphere of the brain, or left brain. We’re task oriented problem solvers. I took a survey and discovered that my left brain dominates my right brain 65percent to 35 percent, often to my demise.
Researchers conclude that women process equally well between the two hemispheres. They are more creative and aware of feelings. Women make up more than half the U.S. population. Fellas, it’s a no-brainer. We’re outnumbered and we’d better learn some right-brain exercises.
My wife can read my mind in real-time. I also read her mind but it’s usually about a week later. I feign comprehension. The best problem solving skills still rarely help me decipher what’s happening.
I endured a particularly rough interrogation one summer day. She wore her sunhat, work gloves, and attacked the yard. Dirt covered her jeans and forehead. Grime coated her sunglasses. “Where’s my weed-eater?” she asked.
I hesitated, uh oh.
“Wouldn’t start,” I said. “I took it apart, reassembled it, discovered extra parts, and gave up.”
“The question was… Where is my weed-eater?”
“It’s on the curb with a FREE sign. Someone else can have the headache. Use the back-up.”
She peered over the fence. “It’s gone! I told you, don’t mess with my stuff. What was wrong? Why didn’t you tell me? ” The questions shot out in rapid fire.
I had hoped her questions were rhetorical. I vaguely recalled conversations about her stuff versus my stuff, and the responsibilities of managing our collective stuff. I rationalized and solved the problem. The weed-eater was broken. Expedient, and independent, decision-making became another problem.
“Congratulations, you just gave away your weed-eater. The other one is now mine. Maybe you’ll get one for Christmas. Try your right-brain next time.”
What I thought was initially ours, was actually hers, but not decidedly ours. Regarding the back-up weed-eater, which I thought was still ours, it’s now hers.
Our state is a communal state. We co-own our stuff except for several possessions. The hockey equipment is mine, the blender is hers. She’d argue that the blender is communal property because the entire household benefits. It’s not just hers. She’s welcome to wear my hockey gear but probably wouldn’t view the gesture as a fair trade. My right-brain stormed. I realized that apart from jewelry, nothing is really hers.
The holidays will save me though. I’ll get another chance to sensitize and learn from Christmas past. She coveted a “Snoopy dog” – a beagle – one Christmas but settled on a rat terrier pup. The pooch had a bald belly and freckles. A drill sergeant has more hair. The pup climbed in her lap.
“That mutt might need sunscreen someday,” I said. “Or Rogaine.”
She flinched. Did I really say that? Later that day they both got even. The puppy was hers but its dog-doo became mine.
One winter day I greeted my wife in the driveway. I helped her unload a box. It weighed about forty pounds and I guessed that it was electronic equipment. I asked what it was.
“It’s a present,” she said.
“Shall I wrap it?” I asked.
“No, that’s OK. You run short on paper and wreck the corners.”
“Shall I put it beneath the tree?”
“Sure, take it inside. It’s yours. Open it.”
Suspicion never entered my mind, but panic did. It was two days before Christmas and I hadn’t started shopping. My anxiety, and associated guilt, quickly elapsed because of the size of the box. She got me a big present. Big can be good.
I opened the box puzzled to find another wrapped container. I thought this was the box-inside-another-box trick. I wouldn’t fall for it, but played along. I eventually uncovered a kennel.
It moved. I pressed my nose against the cage door. Two eyes met mine. I focused harder and saw hooves not paws, crooked teeth and a horn. “Baaah… baaah.”
“What gives?” I asked.
My wife grinned ear to ear, hemisphere to hemisphere.
“Merry Christmas to the man who thinks he has everything. Enjoy the new weed-eater, it’s all…yours.”
Visit Eric’s blog at http://etcguy.com or contact him at eric@etcguy.com
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How do you develop such a wonderful crowd of commenters to your site?
I’ve been blessed, eh? Many thanks for yours. Guess I’m striking a few chords, people want a chuckle. Eric
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Hi thanks…you can reach me at eric@etcguy.com.
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Many thanks, much obliged, appreciate the thought regarding donations. Might be something to consider in the future. In the meanwhile please share the Etc.Guy Facebook link with your Facebook friends…
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Hello would you mind sharing which blog platform you’re working with? I’m looking to start
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Hi, I use both WordPress and also Tumblr. Feel free to send me a note at eric@etcguy.com. Good luck.
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Hey, thanks. I just published my book “Let Me Tell You a Story” which is available in hard copy, and e-reader (Kindle). You can order a copy by visiting my Etc. Guy site at http://www.etcguy.com. Eric
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Many thanks for the heads up!
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Thanks for your support, I hope the “experts” notice and give me a chance! More articles coming soon. Eric
Very energetic article, I liked it. Will there be a part 2?
There might be…I need to build a new goat pen. Thanks for commenting. Eric
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Many thanks! Exactly where are your contact details though?
You can send me a note at eric@etcguy.com, or visit http://www.etcguy.com and join my Facebook page. Thanks. Eric
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