Walk into any essential store these days and you’ll see X’s marking the spot for social distancing. This COVID-19 stuff is spooky. The only positive is if you test negative. At least our April 15 tax deadline is delayed until July. I share a few takes on COVID-19… these posts appeared on my Etc. Guy Facebook page…
COVID: Take 1
My college-sophomore daughter works part time at a retail big box store. The store had a run on toilet paper, cleaners, wipes, etc…
ME: Are cashiers provided with gloves?
HER: Yep. They’re sweaty though.
ME: Better than getting sick.
HER: They’re big too.
ME: Big, sweaty, gloves?
HER: I have baby-hands.
ME: Uh…your hands are small.
HER: They can both fit inside a Pringles can.
ME: I’ll talk with the CEO.
I hope they find a set of XXSmall gloves for my kid. Short of that I guess she’ll need to tie the tips into knots. The “one-size-fits-all” category ain’t cutting it.
COVID: Take 2
Shelter-at-home-project #12: Fix lawn mower
I (still) need to fix my 15 hp riding mower. That lil boy has a 42″ cut but I broke a steering drag link. I ordered one on-line then watched a Youtube video to see how to replace it. I started toasting a hotdog bun the same time I clicked the lawnmower repair video. The guy on Youtube replaced his steering drag link in only 8 minutes! Amazing. Then I remembered to check on my bun. Totally toasted, blacker than a hockey puck. I wrapped my hotdog in a tortilla then checked out my mower. Now I need to buy ball joints to attach to my steering drag link. So today, I used a push mower and weed-whacker. Next week’s shelter-at-home-project is to replace ball joints…..AND a steering drag link.
COVID: Take 3
California’s Governor passed a “shelter at home” law for non-essential workers to hopefully help slow down the spread of the corona-virus. I talked with an essential worker, a guy working at the grocery store….
ESSENTIAL WORKER GROCERY GUY: Looking for TP?
ME: Nope.
GROCERY GUY: Cuz we’re all out.
ME: I need bird-seed.
GROCERY GUY: In lieu of toilet paper?
ME: For my parakeet. He’s getting feisty.
GROCERY GUY: Lots of folks are feisty these days.
ME: Where’s your bathroom?
GROCERY GUY: Go past the cucumbers, turn left at aisle 8.
ME: Thanks.
GROCERY GUY: You’re not stealing our store’s TP are you?
ME: Oh no, I just need to use a bathroom.
GROCERY GUY: Hmmm…
ME: My coffee kicked in. You’re on my way to work.
GROCERY GUY: So we’re a “rest area” then?
ME: Precisely.
GROCERY GUY: Sir, how do you get home when nature calls?
ME: There’s a Home Depot at my first exit.
GROCERY GUY: And you use the bathroom there?
ME: Yep. Go past the 2 x 4’s, turn right at aisle 11.
I’ll be darned if I ever run out of toilet paper. So long as essential workers keep the doors open at Safeway and Home Depot I’ll be in fine shape….
Everyone, please stay safe.
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