by John Sergeant
Right after President Obama selected a new general to manage the war in Afghanistan casualties began to creep upward as leading military officals said the Taliban presence is growing and the situation in Afghanistan is seriously deteriorating.
In response to the increasing threat, President Obama’s new man, Gen. Stanley McChrystal, laid down stricter rules of engagement in a tactical directive sent to all foreign forces in Afghanistan. The US Army spokesman in Afghanistan, Col. Greg Julian, said, “The guidance to the troops clarifies that citizens are the centre of gravity and that we should do everything to gain their support and we must do everything to avoid civilian casualties….” He assured reporters this is absolutely not a repeat of the huge mistake we made in Iraq before General Petreaus introduced the SURGE and wiped out nests of enemy fighters and gained the trust of the locals by a show of force. This time taking the softer, kinder approach is different somehow, we’re not sure exactly how it’s different, but that’s their story and they are sticking to it.
The new policy has already seen a strong cut back in precision bombing of high value targets due to a concern about possible non-combatant collateral damage. General McChrystal felt the trade off from grateful civilians verses killing enemy leaders would be well worth any American causalities this might cause. Already, this may be working as Taliban soldiers moving caravans of guns and ammo have expressed their deepest appreciation for the lull in arial bombings.
Soldiers may not fire upon anyone unless fired upon. Then if the enemy combatants flee in the direction of civilians, they may not be fired upon at all in order to avoid civilian casualties. Again, General McChrystal made it clear soldiers should consider themselves as good will ambassadors first and soldiers second. This outreach of concern and friendship should help the Taliban moderate their religious and political views, at least according to the new Obama/Army policy and then eventually we can talk them out of being evil, murderous thugs and we’ll all live happily ever after.
The Unofficial US Army spokespeople responded to this and said:
“Obama is F#@$%!#@ nuts and so’s his punk General! We are fightin and dyin over here against a determined, fanatical F^#$ing enemy who has NO F@%#ing rules whatsoever and he’s telling us to F@*&%$%& cut back on the bombing in areas we can’t reach any other way? Holy SH–! He’s also telling us to check fire until we’re shot at before engaging the enemy? And not to fire at all if there is one F#@#$%^& civilian in the area? You want us to check the civilians references first or what? Give us a break! We’re here to fight a war – we only know one way to do that and this ain’t it!
Meanwhile these Muth#%F#$%&%* Huns are running free all over the countryside, terrorizing the civilian populace, planting bombs, planning ambushes and killing soldiers right and left! What kind of A F%$#@&%% way is this to win a war? This is so F &^%$%$&#@# unbelievably stupid, and we know it’s coming right out of the White House from this stupid F@#^%&*&%$ dope smokin, drug takin, liberal puke who has never spent one day in a uniform. This F#@#$%^ As#@*&* is getting us killed over here and it’s going to get a lot worse… thanks to this F@%^&$#in idiot president!
You will never win sh## until the Taliban are taken out (dead) and the locals can finally feel safe. If this is the stupid F#@#@$%^ way we’re supposed to fight you people back home might as well pull us out now and give it back to the F’n Taliban!
NOTE: The Mainstream Media and the White House did not authorize the publication of the unofficial response.