Romper Room Ratings for Cars

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Posted by Tina

When I was in kindergarten the teacher always pinned notes for our parents to our coats and sweaters to make sure they got home in one piece and were still readable. I thought of this simple method for controlling teacher/parent correspondance for five year olds when I read about a new plan the EPA has come up with for “grading” cars. They devised a plan to alert consumers about which cars are the gawdawful gas guzzlers, which are mildly tolerable, and which are the perfect little eco-friendly models. It seems the smart guys in the EPA don’t think we are old enough to manage making those determinations on our own. Just like my kindergarten teacher, Miss Brown, they have devised a special plan of correspondance.
Detroit News

“We think a new label is absolutely necessary to help consumers make the right decision for their wallet and for the environment.” – Assistant EPA Administrator Gina McCarthy ** Electric vehicles will get A+ grades and be labeled against a green background. Evil family haulers like minivans will get C grades and coded in orange; trucks and other so-called planet-melters will get D grades and be labeled dark orange –coincidentally, the same designation the nation gives for “high” terror alerts. ** Along with the designations will be how much money one can “save” by buying a government-promoted vehicle or how much extra it will cost if you buy a rogue ride. It is unclear how the government figures an “A+” can be given to a vehicle that is subsidized to the tune of $7,500 and still costs more than most similar-sized rides.

Indeed! Romper Room mentality has taken over at the EPA! How does it feel to have the government treat us like children barely capable of tying our own shoes? I don’t know about you, but I’ve had about all I can stand of busy body know-it-all elitists and their nanny governance. Time to send the entire bunch home with an appropriate note attached to their coats:

a) Johnny doesn’t play well with others; I’m afraid he might have control issues.
b) Mary is always doing other peoples work for them. She can’t seem to mind her own business.
c) Veronica needs to work on her people skills; she can be a little too bossy at times.
d) Freddy needs work on his manners; he keeps taking lunch items from one friend to give to another.
e) George interrupts in class simply to show us all how smart he is but never finishes his work sheets
f) Candy enjopys recess but her mind wonders in class.
g) Arthur doesn’t participate in class and rarely turns in work; he does offer to hand out the cookies at snack time.

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