2012 Darwin Awards

by Jack

The Darwin Award candidates seem to be rolling in faster than ever this year and we still have a few months to go, but I thought you would like to see how it’s adding up so far. When you read this list it makes you think human intelligence is MIA:

Honorable mentions…
A camera found near the shredded backpack showed that the hiker had photographed the large grizzly bear for more than eight minutes, coming closer and closer, to within a mere 50 yards of the animal before he was attacked. Park rules require people to stay a quarter-mile away from bears and to immediately back away at a slow pace if they find themselves to be closer. But, this was a rare photo op, so he broke the rules, great pics though…

Sixth place
She was professional zoo keep and worked with dangerous jungle cats. Police say the animal wandered through a wide-open gate. It reached a storage building, where it attacked the 43-year-old woman who left the gate open.

Fifth Place
Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed as he fell through the ceiling of a bicycle shop he was burglarizing. Death was caused when the long flashlight he had placed in his mouth to
keep his hands free rammed into the base of his skull as he hit the floor.

Fourth Place
Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed as he won a bet with friends who said he would not put a revolver loaded with four bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger.

Third Place
After stepping around a marked police patrol car parked at the front door, a man walked into H&J Leather & Firearms intent on robbing the store. The shop was full of customers and a uniformed officer was standing at the counter. Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber announced a hold-up and fired a few wild shots from his pistol.

The officer and a clerk promptly returned fire, and several customers also drew their guns and fired. The robber was pronounced dead at the scene by Paramedics. Crime scene investigators located 47 expended cartridge cases in the shop. The subsequent autopsy revealed 23 gunshot wounds. Ballistics identified rounds from 7 different weapons. No one else was hurt.

Second Place
Paul Stiller, 47, and his wife Bonnie were bored just driving around at 2 A.M. so they lit a stick of dynamite to toss out the window just to see what would happen. Apparently they failed to notice that the window was closed.

First Place
Another zoo keeper.. Zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt (Paderborn , Germany) fed his constipated elephant 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up giant finally got relief. Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich was not content to let the laxatives work, he then attempted to give the ailing elephant an olive oil enema… with his head right there…when the elephant unloaded.

The sheer force of the elephant’s unexpected slimy (expletive deleted) knocked Riesfeldt to the ground where he struck his head on a rock as the elephant continued to drop over 200 pounds of sh#t on top of him. It seems to be just one of those freak accidents that proves… ‘S**t happens’