As schools open across the country, an estimated 2,000 Americans under the age of 25 can be expected to die of sudden cardiac arrest in the coming year, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. It is the leading cause of death on school property.
DJ’s autopsy revealed that he had hypertrophic cardiomyopathy (HCM), an enlargement of the heart muscle that is the leading cause of sudden death among athletes. Playground accidents kill more than accidental shooting deaths! Yikes! So, is it time to ban exercise and recess? Our college professors and government experts ponder these dangers as they embark on extended research studies in Paris, Rome, Amsterdam (they really studied a lot in Amsterdam), Thailand and many other far flung places in search of answers.
However, the good news is marijuana. Marijuana can cure almost anything according to the extensive research at High Times and Mother Jones and look how many docs prescribe it, that should tell you something. And what it can’t cure, it can medicate to the point where you really don’t care if you’re dying. More breakthroughs: Red wine is good for the heart and beer has a lot of nutrients. So the best thing for Americans, young and old, is to knock off dangerous exercise, smoke a joint, drink a beer (or wine), kick back and don’t worry, let the suckers take up the slack. It worked for Barrack and look where he wound up!
The evidence is conclusive, exercise bad – dope good. Beer and wine good – recess and playground equipment way too dangerous. I’m pooped from writing this…hey, where’s my bong…it’s couch time while I await the mail with my welfare check.
Just heard the folks can buy Mary Jane with food stamps..woo hoo!