THE TGIF SPECIAL BY….
I have been contributing to NorCal Blogs for several months now. I’ve noticed that nothing I’ve ever written has won the approval of Libby, “K” or Quentin Colgan. They’ve found fault with everything. Their responses are always negative. I’ve finally come to the conclusion that they must be Liberals, Progressives, Socialists, Communists—or Democrats! So, in my attempts to win their favor, I have decided to vote Democrat in the next election, and will attempt to explain my reasons in this column:
I will vote Democrat because Freedom of Speech is fine—as long as nobody is offended by it. Being a law-abiding American citizen, it’s obvious that I’m too irresponsible to own a gun and I know my local police are all I need to protect me from murderers and thieves.
I will vote Democrat because I’m not concerned about the slaughter of millions of innocent babies so long as we keep all death row inmates alive and never waterboard a terrorist.
I’ve decided to vote Democrat because I believe George Bush and Dick Cheney were wrong for having the audacity to pull out all the stops in their attempts to protect America and its citizens from terrorist attacks. For protecting America, they should stand trial for war crimes.
I’ve decided to vote Democrat because I believe businesses should not be allowed to make a profit for themselves. They need to break even and give the rest away to the government for redistribution as Democrats see fit.
And I will vote Democrat because I feel so guilty for driving my (paid for) Chevrolet Silverado around town and I’m convinced I should go deeper in debt by buying a Prius so I can save the planet, and help shore-up the Japanese economy.
And, I will vote Democrat because I believe liberal judges need to re-write the Constitution every few days to suit some fringe kooks who would never get their agendas past the voters.
And finally, I will vote Democrat because I love the fact that I can now marry whatever I want. I’ve decided to marry my horse!
There now! Rejoice……Libby, “K” and Quentin.