by Jack Lee
In one more month, when California goes bankrupt and the feds are forced to bail us out, will they move in and take us over, running this state like they would a bank failure? Will we be another arm of the feds like GM? After all we’re too big too fail, right? RIGHT? Things are getting downright serious, we can’t live on IOU’s, what are we going to do?
I’ve got an idea to put some cash back in Sacramento and keep the feds from dictating to us. . .
How about we sell off some land? We’ve got more than we need obviously (look how much is state property) and I’m not saying we should sell off the really nice parts. But, who cares if we turn loose a few of seedy parts to pay off our big debt, right? How about, we sell everything 2 miles south of Burbank? We could sell it to Mexico! Uh-oh, wait … on second thought that probably wouldn’t go over. See, if Mexico officially owned this area then they would have to start paying the big tab for all the welfare, medical and incarcerations they currently get for free. Nah, they would never go for it. As they saying goes, why buy the cow when the milk is free?
Well then what about looking to the north? Maybe good ol Oregon would like to own lake Shasta? Scratch that idea, I just checked the polls and they already have plenty of lakes and they don’t even like Californians. In fact they hate us moving to Oregon and they’re ready to close the border on us.
Well, uh, now if Nevadan’s wanted some ocean frontage…maybe we could sell them an ocean access strip of land? Somebody just told me they’re broke too, so what else is there? None of our other states want anything to do with folks on the left coast, not even Canada. Hmmmm… Personally I’d like to sell off San Francisco, Berkeley and Oakland as a package deal, but who would be crazy enough to buy it, except possibly the inmates of that asylum. And they may be crazy but they are not stupid, they would never go for it because if they seceded they would have to give up all their rich federal and state subsidies. So that’s out. This is getting to be a lot harder than I thought.
Okay…then maybe we should auction off the whole dang state to the highest bidder? Then we get new management. But, to who, who wants us and could afford us?
Aha, I think I finally got it…we sell out to China! We’re known as the Peoples Republik of Kalifornia anyway, why not make it official? It’s only a small step from being a corrupt socialist state to a full on communist state, heck, we would hardly notice the change. China already owns or leases large parts of the state and Chinese is our third most popular language. And talk about convenient, our politicians and out top scientists wouldn’t have to fly so far to sell out American secrets if China was right on our west coast! This state couldn’t be run any worse than it is now and having a Chairman instead of a Governor would be an improvement, you can bet Jerry Brown would be all for it! Yes, China and the Peoples Republik of Kalifornia, it’s the perfect wedding of like minded people and it solves all our financial problems.
You would like the new management! If the members of our legislature misspent or took a bribe, the Chinese overseer’s would simply shoot them – no need for term limits ever again! As for our huge criminal population, that would be an incentive for China not a liability! Think about it, our inmates would be like this massive organ donor site – they would love our stockpiles of criminals and they would have a thousand uses for them…literally.
Let’s put this on the ballot, I think we got a winner!