One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his Sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, ‘What setting do I use on the
washing machine?’ ‘It depends,’ I replied. ‘What does it say on your shirt?’ He yelled back, ‘ GO GATORS! ‘ And they say Blondes are dumb….
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A couple is lying in bed. The man says, ‘I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world…’ The woman replies, ‘I’ll miss you…….
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‘It’s just too hot to wear clothes today,’ Bill says as he stepped out of the shower.
‘Honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?’
‘Probably that I married you for your money,’ she replied.
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Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumor
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Dear Lord, I pray for Wisdom to understand my man;
Love to forgive him; and Patience for his moods.
Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength,
I’ll beat him to death.
AMEN
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Q: Why do little boys whine?
A: They are practicing to be Men.
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Q: What do you call a handcuffed man?
A: Trustworthy. .
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Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.
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Q: Why do men whistle when they are sitting on the toilet?
A: It helps them remember which end to wipe..
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Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the email folder ‘Instruction Manuals’
I liked the Obama jokes better, lol.
I think I agree with Toby.
These are funny but ladies, we won’t be receiving many valentines with that kind of thinking!
Equal time:
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
2. Sunday = sports. It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
3. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
4. Crying is blackmail.
5. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
6. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question
7. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
8. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
9. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
10. If you won’t dress like the Victoria’s Secret girls, don’t expect us to act like soap opera guys.
11. If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us.
12. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
13. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
14. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
15. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.
16. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Aubergine is a vegetable. We have no idea what mauve is.
17. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
18. If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing,” we will act like nothing’s wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
19. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear.
20. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine… Really.
21. Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.
22. You have enough clothes.
23. You have too many shoes.
24. I am in shape. Round is a shape.
XXXOOOXXX
Thanks for sharing jokes..
Great..