By Jack
We had another interesting coffee conversation today, it was about people in general, you know, all the family problems and just the way things are going in society, so much crime and family stress…a big topic for sure. Specifically, we talked about how people go through life subjected to all sorts of drama, living life in a state of depression, and wondering why life is so unfair to them. It’s all about choices we make of course, and I wondered why we make so many bad choices? So many unhappy people, so much dysfunctional behavior out here; there are times when I swear it looks like we’re a society in melt down!
During our talk I thought about this stuff and about the people in prison today and why they’re in… geez, we’ve got a lot of people in prison!!! There’s plenty of reasons for that; everybody in there has a good story. In that sense we’re all unique cases, then again we’re also very much alike, as the saying goes, yea but for the grace of God go I. Our wants, needs, goals, etc., they’re not so different, here or anywhere. But, somehow things happen to us on our road to become an adult.
Here’s something I ran across that has derailed a lot of us. 84% of male prison inmates claim they were abused as children and 36% of female inmates also reported abuse. That’s too large a number to be coincidental – it means something important. It explains a lot of aberrant behavioral patterns, and not just in inmates, but for millions of people who have a tough time functioning in society. And abuse could be anything from physical harm, mental cruelty, neglect, to sexual abuse. These things all take a terrible toll on a child’s mind. It’s predictable that whatever follows in their the abuse will play a role in outcome. In most cases they will never be the person they could have been. And I can’t help but say the obvious…what a lousy, rotten shame.
Am I letting the adults off the hook for doing crime? No way. I believe there is such a thing as the age of accountability, when you know better, but you do wrong anyway. Such people deserve their punishment, but in sentencing they might be due some compassion for how they grew up, but they are still accountable!
The statistics on child abuse is alarmingly high, but it’s really like the tip of the ice berg because most abused and neglected children never come to the attention of legal authorities. That’s the only way they get tracked. Keep that in mind when you read this, “The National Incidence Study of Child Abuse and Neglect was released in September 1996, following up on previous studies conducted in 1980 and 1986. The study found that child abuse and neglect were seriously worsening. Between 1986 and 1993 the number of cases doubled, going from 1.4 million to 2.8 million; and the number of cases involving serious injuries nearly quadrupled, rising from 143,000 to almost 570,000.”
It’s a disturbing picture. This is a problem that’s weighing heavy on society and it’s only getting worse. Child abuse and the resulting dysfunctional adult, will cost us more than most of us will ever realize and yet I know this is a problem that can be solved! We have a lot of brilliance out here right? We just need the awareness and then will to come up with the solutions. This should be a very fixable problem!
I have one simple thought about how to make things at least slightly better for the kids at risk. Say something – Report it! Everyone who has the wherewithal should take a firm stand and intervene when child abuse is even suspected. There’s lots of ways to do that without risking your personal safety and you can stay anonymous too. There are school teachers, counselors, doctors, county hotlines, 9-1-1, mental health, just tell someone in authority.
I was ragging on a few neighborhoods north of CSUC campus in few articles back because they are crime infested and their places are run down and in disarray. The residents don’t work and they have way too many children that seem to be out of control. We’re seeing violence from these neighborhoods spread out to the college campus as evidenced in recent headlines. I noted that gangs, drugs, poverty, alcoholism and welfare were typical signs of the families responsible for the crime. But, the kids here are the real victims and I want to make that clear. Yes, some of these adult parents need a swift kick in the butt and some just need help. I get it, everybody has a story. However, I didn’t want my remarks back then to sound like I’m heartless, because I’m not and I’m concerned about what is happening in these blighted areas and I would love to see it fixed.
It’s a very sad situation and Chico is seeing this sort of sadness on the rise and it will continue until we do something about it.
What do we do, how can we stop the cycle of abuse and give at risk kids a chance to have a better life? That’s where you come in…what do you say, what are your thoughts? I’ll be happy to send those ideas to the right people, if I think they would help.
Chris, what do you think about this? Just curious. -Jack
Another good article, Jack, and I believe you’re definitely on to something. There are two prevalent attitudes towards children exhibited by parents in our society: 1) children are impediments to adult self-fulfillment; 2) children are the center of the universe. The first results in abuse, the second in indulgence – and each of these wreak their own special brand of havoc.
It’s worth noting that children living with their mother and her boyfriend are 11 times more likely to be abused than children living with their married biological parents. That’s astounding, isn’t it? And tells us what the root of these problems really is: sexual promiscuity and the breakdown of traditional marriage.
See: http://www.thepublicdiscourse.com/2011/04/3181
A subject that really deserves our attention, Jack.
I also greatly appreciate your comments Jeff.
Thinking out loud myself….
I’d like to add that we need to give some serious attention to the care and nurturing of young boys and men.
Since the sixties we have done great damage to males in our society. Fewer men graduate from college today. Men are living with their parents into their thirties. Men are lost in cultures of drugs, alcohol, promiscuity, and homelessness and crime. Some men are very weary of marriage. When a commitment can so easily be broken it hardly seems worth the risk; they lose everything including their kids most of the time.
Fathers are very important in the lives of children and it is also important that they be men rather than substitute mothers. We Have spent several decades shoving men into the corner and making them seem irrelevant and we are reaping a very sad result.
We have failed to teach respect for procreative powers and the responsibility that accompanies that power, including stepping up as a couple and making nurturing that child as mother and father the highest life priority.
Adults need to step up and have higher expectations of themselves and others around them. The video in Jacks next post of the woman that blew the whistle on ACORN is a great example of a person standing for higher principles from her peers. Children need roll models like her.
Jeff, you hit on a very valuable point, about indulgence, and I absolutely agree. Parents that do that do are setting their children up for a rude awakening in the real world. Great comments all around and thank you for the link. -Jack