You Call That Embarrassing? Part 2 of 3

She looked at me, finished her wine and smiled. I could tell she was debating how much she wanted to tell me when she finally said, “I need a little time to think about it.”

“Alright. I understand, you’re afraid. I’m glad I didn’t tell you my most embarrassing moment.”

She looked at me, chuckled and ordered another glass of wine and said, ”This Saturday night I’ll pick you up and take you to dinner and I’ll have a good story to tell you at that time but you gotta tell me your most embarrassing moment then too.”

“Hey, I’m cool with that.” I answered.

“You better be.” she answered.

Friday evening, the phone rang and I answered it. It was the lady who said she’d take me out to dinner Saturday.

“Oh, you’re there?” she said sounding surprised.

“Yes, I’m here. Are you calling to cancel our date for tomorrow night?” I asked.

“Nope. I just wanted to make sure you’re gonna be there and be ready with your most embarrassing story.” She said.

“I’ll be here, ready and willing.”

“With your story, right?” She asked.

“As long as you’re ready with your story first. Don’t forget, I already told you a story. Did you forget or are you chickening out?”

“I’m not chickening out but you better have a better story than the one you told me.”

“I got a better one but you better too.”

“I’ll pick you up at 7:00. You like Thai food?” She asked.

“It’s my favorite.”

“Good. I’ll see you tomorrow.” She said.

She picked me up at 6:59 in her 1968 cherry red Chevy pickup truck and drove me to West LA. We got out and and walked into a place called Melanee Thai Cuisine. We sat down and ordered drinks. 

“Hey, nice place!” I said.

“Well, I figure this is going to be fun so let’s do it in a nice place.” She said with a smile.

“I like that.” I said.

“What do you like?” she asked. “Soup? Curry? Noodles? Sushi?”

“All of that. They sell sushi here?”

“Think so. We’ll see.” she said.

“Okay, you ready to tell me your most embarrassing story?” I asked.

“Let’s order first.”

“Cool.” I said.

“Let’s start with appetizers.” She ordered Siam spring rolls and wontons stuffed with shrimp.

“Sounds good.” I said.

“What do you like?” she asked.

“Well the shrimp and mushrooms in a lemongrass hot & sour soup sounds good and so does the papaya salad.”

“Okay, good, let’s have both.” she said and she signaled the waitress, looked at me and asked,  ”What else you want?”

“Well, I like seafood.”

“Okay, good. I like that too. Let’s get the seafood combination. That sounds good. And another glass of wine for me and another beer for you?”

“Sure.”

We ate it all up and drank some more and then I looked at her and asked: “So, you ready to tell me your story now?”

“Yeah.” She finished her wine and said, “I was with this guy I liked a lot when I was in high school. He was a jock on the basketball team. He was my first lover. We were going out for a few months when he asked me to go with him to a party in Malibu.”

“Yeah? Well, that sounds nice but ah…where’s the good part?” I said.

“I’m getting there.” she said as she ordered another glass of wine.

“Well, we got to this party in this fabulous house on a cliff overlooking the ocean. It was a very nice party with a lot of rich people there and some very good catered food and some great live music.  It was pretty warm with the sun shinning bright and pretty soon everybody started jumping in the pool but some people didn’t have bathing suits so they jumped in their underwear or in the nude.”

“Yeah? That’s nice. I’ve done that, so…?”

“So I wasn’t wearing any panties or bra.”

“Oh, nice.” I said with a smile.

“Yeah, nice but I felt a little less than comfortable when I took off my clothes and noticed some of the men there checking me out.”

“Well, hey, why not? That’s what it was all about, no?”

“Well, maybe so but then I noticed my so-called boyfriend couldn’t stop checking out this blond on the other side of the pool. He was drinking pretty heavily and pretty soon he swam over to her and was talking to her sitting on the love seat and ignoring me for like 20 minutes.”

“Well, you know…..” I said with a laugh.

“Yeah, I know but I was drinking pretty heavily too and pretty soon I thought I could see them playing footsies so I got up and went over to them, all of us completely naked and I said to the girl: “Look, honey, this is my boyfriend. Keep your eyes, hands and feet off of him!”

“Well, you know, that ain’t so bad. I imagine your boyfriend might have done the same thing if not worse if the tables were turned.” I said.

“Yeah, maybe so but he jerk looked at me and said, “Honey,  you’re drunk. Go sit down and sober up. And then he smiled at the blond” she said.

And then she added, “Or maybe he said ‘Sit down and shut up.’ and then I just lost it. I kicked him where it hurts and I threw my glass of wine in her face. She got up and slapped me on the face hard and called me some nasty names and I grabbed her and we fought on the love seat until we both slipped off the love seat and I slammed her head onto the concrete pool wall a couple of times as we went under the water. We were pulling each other’s hair and scratching and screaming at each other and gasping for air until we finally came up and I called her every name I could think of.

“Oh, now I see…” I said as I saw her in a different light.

“Now you see what?” She asked with a frown.

“Huh..? Oh, now I see you got a lot of guts.” I smiled and then I added,  ”So what happened next?”

“Well, my boyfriend pulled me off of her and I could see blood dripping down her head onto her hair and face and arms and I was still yelling at the both of them and then I kicked at him again and called him names and said, “I never want to see you again, you jerk!.”

“Okay. Well, I can see how that might be a little embarrassing. Or maybe it gets even better.”

“A little embarrassing?! Are you kidding me?! That was totally embarrassing but that wasn’t the end of it. My boyfriend said, “You’re crazy! I’m leaving you here!” and he grabbed his clothes and drove away leaving me there.”

“Oh…Fun huh? So then what’d you do?

“So there I was, completely naked and drunk with everybody looking at me and I realized I was bleeding on my face and my arms too.”

“Ahh…nice….” I grimaced. “So…?”

“So, then I couldn’t find my clothes. I guess my boyfriend took them with him and there I was stark naked, feeling like an idiot.”

“Yeah, I guess that does beat my embarrassing story. So what’d you do then?”

“Well, what could I do? I walked up to the girl who I beat up, apologized and I started crying.”

“Yeah, well, what else could you do?”

“Well, then the girl smirked at me and walked away, leaving me there feeling like a complete idiot.

“And that was it? She didn’t want to beat you up? How’d you get home?” I asked.

“No, that wasn’t it. And then the cops came.” she answered.

 Malibu, CA

I’ll continue the story with Part 3 coming up.